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If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines... 

UNIX Airways 

Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the 
airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together 
piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are 
supposed to be building. 

Air DOS 

Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and 
let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push 
again, jump on again, and so on... 

Mac Airlines 

All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look 
and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, 
you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want 
to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having 
to know, so just shut up. 

Windows Air 

The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy 
baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 
minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever. 

Windows NT Air 

Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and 
takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it 
explodes. 

Windows XP Air 

You turn up at the airport,which is under contract to only allow XP 
Air planes. All the aircraft are identical, brightly coloured and 
three times as big as they need to be. The signs are huge and all 
point the same way. Whichever way you go, someone pops up dressed in a 
cloak and pointed hat insisting you follow him. Your luggage and 
clothes are taken off you and replaced with an XP Air suit and 
suitcase identical to everyone around you as this is included in the 
exorbitant ticket cost. The aircraft will not take off until you have 
signed a contract. The inflight entertainment promised turns out to be 
the same Mickey Mouse cartoon repeated over and over again. You have 
to phone your travel agent before you can have a meal or drink. You 
are searched regularly throughout the flight. If you go to the toilet 
twice or more you get charged for a new ticket. No matter what 
destination you booked you will always end up crash landing at 
Whistler in Canada. 

OSX Air: 

You enter a white terminal, and all you can see is a woman sitting in 
the corner behind a white desk, you walk up to get your ticket. She 
smiles and says "Welcome to OS X Air, please allow us to take your 
picture", at which point a camera in the wall you didn't notice before 
takes your picture. "Thank you, here is your ticket" You are handed a 
minimalistic ticket with your picture at the top, it already has all 
of your information. A door opens to your right and you walk through. 
You enter a wide open space with one seat in the middle, you sit, 
listen to music and watch movies until the end of the flight. You 
never see any of the other passengers. You land, get off, and you say 
to yourself "wow, that was really nice, but I feel like something was 
missing" 

Windows Vista Airlines: 

You enter a good looking terminal with the largest planes you have 
ever seen. Every 10 feet a security officer appears and asks you if 
you are "sure" you want to continue walking to your plane and if you 
would like to cancel. Not sure what cancel would do, you continue 
walking and ask the agent at the desk why the planes are so big. After 
the security officer making sure you want to ask the question and you 
want to hear the answer, the agent replies that they are bigger 
because it makes customers feel better, but the planes are designed to 
fly twice as slow. Adding the size helped achieve the slow fly goal. 

Once on the plane, every passenger has to be asked individually by the 
flight attendants if they are sure they want to take this flight. Then 
it is company policy that the captain asks the passengers collectively 
the same thing. After answering yes to so many questions, you are 
punched in the face by some stranger who when he asked "Are you sure 
you want me to punch you in the face? Cancel or Allow?" you 
instinctively say "Allow". 

After takeoff, the pilots realize that the landing gear driver wasn't 
updated to work with the new plane. Therefore it is always stuck in 
the down position. This forces the plane to fly even slower, but the 
pilots are used to it and continue to fly the planes, hoping that soon 
the landing gear manufacturer will give out a landing gear driver 
update. 

You arrive at your destination wishing you had used your reward miles 
with XP airlines rather than trying out this new carrier. A close 
friend, after hearing your story, mentions that Linux Air is a much 
better alternative and helps. 

Linux Air 

Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start 
their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave 
the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of 
printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket 
yourself. 

When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench 
and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable 
seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without 
a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell 
customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can 
say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"